200+100
Exactly two-houndred days ago I received a virtual letter from a certain someone. In it, that certain someone said hi in her very own –and really exciting, I might add– way. At the time, I was signed up to several penpal websites, and I sent and received several emails. But somehow, this one stood out. It’s sheer excitement, a bit of boldness, and a cute and funny photo (pictured right) instantly developed a smile on my face.
At the time I was going through a period which I from now on will refer to as the dark ages. It’s not like I was highly depressed or anything, just that I didn’t really care much about anything at the moment. Or is that what depressed is.. hm… 
Anyways, I sent a virtual letter back, and so our penpal relationship started. We talked about many thins, from big things to small things, dutch things to korean things, just about any topic we could think of were covered. Usually more than once, and always interesting. During the weeks I wrote with that certain someone, a certain feeling started developing inside me. At the time I as convinced it was friendship, and nothing more (well, good friendship, of course), but my surroundings seemed disagreed on me. I ignored them, as I was actually too afraid to admit that I had those feelings.
Voices from..
Early on we started making phone calls to each other, which gave me the opportunity to enjoy her somewhat husky voice while we shared our many conversations. Her excitement was not just limited to her writing, in fact, it was even more so present in her actual voice. When that certain someone bought a webcam, and her cheerful voice and laughter filled the attic (I work there), my family started talking more and more about her.
After this certain someone had helped me get back on my feet, I wanted to get back to South Korea, for several reasons. Firstly, I needed some closure of some past things. Secondly, I wanted to go there again, and see if I really liked the country. To some this may sound strange, but those of you that are close to me know all to well what I mean. And thirdly, I really wanted to meet this certain someone that I have come to like so much in the past few months. And for those of you that wonder why I put this certain someone as the third reason; Fear made me do that.
Fear is a big word. Big word indeed. Most people tend to use it either too much, or too little. I’d like to consider myself as the latter kind, though I am not afraid to admit it when I’m scared of something. With the past being as it is, my fear of feeling love or affection for someone was somewhat big. With doubt as a big scapegoat reason, I tried to keep myself away from that messy, messy business. Oh if only I knew..
Going back
And so, I booked another trip to South Korea, my third one in about one year. With my bank accounts now showing that yes, it’s indeed an expensive hobby, that certain someone’s mom helped me find a homestay location at a friend’s place. A nice small korean family with mom, dad, grandma, a son and a niece who would usually stay over in the weekdays.
Time flew by, as we chatted more and more. No day went by that we didn’t talk (except for a 4-day ski trip), and soon it was time for me to conquer the big magic metal shiny thing-that-can-fly once again.
Arrival
When I left the big glass doors behind me at Incheon airport, I used my four eyes to scour the crowd in front of me, when suddenly that certain someone came walking towards me. In her unique and simply amazing clothes she walked towards me, and said hi in a voice where, far in the distance, you could here some shyness. We talked about that first moment many, many times, and said often that we would hug then. And so, my first words were not hi or hello or 안녕, no. It was a hug. It was short and maybe even a bit clumsy (thanks to yours truly), but it was a hug I will never forget.
As we were driving home with the bus, we talked a bit about this and that. About how our first impressions were, how the flight was, and how her day was. As I did not sleep in the airplane, I was beyond tired, and a full-on conversation wasn’t really possible. When we left the bus, I felt tired and sick, and so when we entered her mom’s shop to say hi, I was yet again not really able to talk much. At one point I even had go to the toilet, as I felt like I was going to vomit puke blurch splatter rain the soury rain any time now. Thankfully that didn’t happen, but it was clear to me I had to get to bed as soon as possible.
Homestay
When we arrived at the homestay home, grandma homestay welcomed us both, and pointed us to my bedroom. As I was too tall for their spare bed, and they did not want to give me the floor to sleep on, they gave me the master bedroom instead. Nice :).
I dropped my bag on the floor, and looked around for a bit. Youn-hee was with me in the room, and we sat down on the bed. We talked for a short bit, and then I asked her if we could have another hug together, as the first one was too short. And we did. And then we kissed. One kiss. But one kiss that told us both more than any other chat conversation or image could tell us. A kiss that was not planned (though at times dreamed of), no, it just happened.
And that day, I knew. I knew that I couldn’t fool myself any longer. I knew that that certain someone wasn’t just a certain someone. I knew that she was Youn-hee. A woman that matches me so well, even though she’s so different from me. I realized that her smile and her laughter are things that I needed to hear every day. I realized that it was her that made my heart race faster than it could ever do before. I realized that..
I was in serious trouble..
Lost
The first real day I was in Korea (that is, after the day where you arrive, get settled, and fall asleep way-too-early), I woke up at 4am. Worried that she might not come back, I spend my time trying to sleep. With my emotions I accidentally let doubt come out too, or maybe that’s all connected. Either way, I spend about 4 hours awake until I finally fell asleep again around 8am. That day, in the morning, Youn-hee came by again, but as she had some business to take care of that day, I was on my own. Not a problem, you would think, but my emotional state was about as close to a shipwreck as, well, a shipwreck.
I spend most of my day inside a dark, smokey internet café, where I used Steve Jobs to keep me entertained for a couple of hours (there was a new Keynote out at the time). I never felt this lonely and lost before, and even considered cutting my trip short. Why? Fear, mostly. I liked Youn-hee more than I ‘wanted’. I wanted Youn-hee more than I liked. I was falling in love with her, big time.
Reason
The reason I write this (awfully long, I know. Sue me) message, is that today it’s exactly 200 days ago that we met. It’s exactly 200 days ago that I received a virtual letter from a certain someone, and exactly 200 days ago that someone new entered my life. Now, looking back, 200 days sounds so little, so short. It feels like I’ve known her for far longer than just 200 days. Time can be a funny thing..
The reason I also write this, is that it’s exactly 100 days ago that I asked Youn-hee to be my girlfriend.
The reason I also write this, is to tell the world this magical story of how two people meet by the warm hand of fate, and conquer miles and miles, just to be with one another. Youn-hee changed my life in so many ways, and this (awfully long, I know! Could you stop? Sheesh.) is my geeky way of telling her that.. Well.. To tell her that I love her.
I love you, my Youn-hee..
200+100 days today, Youn-hee. And even though we can’t be together right now. Even though we can’t hold hands right now, I want you to know that I’m with you, always. We’ll be together again in 53 days, when you are coming to holland. We’ll have our real celebration then, I promise. I thought long and hard about something special that I could do for you this day, and I think I found it.
A story, telling the world my feelings for you. It may sound like little. Just a few words written on a website. But it’s much more than that. These letters and words, they express what my view is. They express what we experienced together. They show what magical things happened for this to come true. A real life fairy tale, including an evil which for us to conquer. Time.
And of course, there’s much, much more. Some of it you’ll get when you come to holland. Some of it you’ll get when I’m back in Korea. Some of it you’ll get in 5 years. Some in 10. 20. 50. My gift is big, humongous even. Sorry if I didn’t wrap some parts up, though, but I’m sure you’ll understand. You know some parts already, you feel some others. Some parts are still a secret, some parts are yet unknown. Time will tell.
53 days. It’s a lot. It’s nothing. Compared to the days I want to spend with you, it’s nothing. Compared to the feelings I have for you, it’s nothing. Compared to the amount of minutes I can stop thinking about you, it’s.. well.. ages..
Happy anniversary, my sweet Youn-hee. To many, many, MANY, many, many, many, many many, many many more to come.
I’ll see you soon again.
